Don't fix my Smile, Life is long Enough...

I’m currently unaware of what’s right side up or upside-down. Breathing in…breathing out…all this polluted air makes me feel tangled in love with deception, makes me feel I have no reflection. And with no mirror there’s no light bouncing in joy to create such beauty of color grow, is this the sound of an empty soul or the brief loss of my meaning?

Stop…

Look what you started, look what you never finished, you can’t seem to slow down a single bit. I hear the siren whine ever so loud which makes me turn and simply run because no clean thoughts are mine, not one. I move on to find myself taking steps back when I hear that screaming noise in the back of mind, I’m simply polluted and lost in my own filthiness of a foggy mind to find my way out.

Wait…

I’m convinced that we have been friends in the past. You know I said “I loved you.” I simply can’t remember why anymore and I could never let you go and I can’t seem to remember why. Common interests, should be read between the lines. Everything that was important to me didn’t matter to you, and you simply didn’t try to get in bed with me when I was certain that’s all that ran by me. Did this mean I meant something or just wasn’t your thing?

Listen…

I lay in bed tossing and turning without a thought of confusion, but in my dreams is a whole story to tell waking up with that confusion I should have slept in thought. In my dreams you call my name, I talk and walk with you, but nothing is wrong as you hold my hand and I feel that all my senses are gone. Though nothing remains you know.

Look…

You lost your hold and you simply didn’t know that this is your new low to lose your soul. It’s like the love is turning sour and the passionate love you know is letting you go. I am now convinced that we should be friends without comparing our hearts to things that fly because we can’t land, and I can count the ways on my two hands how we could be friends if you don’t mess with me.

Rise and shine! It’s time to get up and play…

Happy 20th Birthday Chrisy!

Take today to celebrate another year for memories. 
Enjoy your deserving presents and your pretty birthday cake with a huge smile of laughter for me. Twenty years old now, you my Chrisy Babies are no longer a teen, what a mature beautiful woman you have blossomed to be. Live it up and make it known that happiness is with you on your one special day as you say "bye-bye-bye" (Members?) to your teenage ways. Love is all around you, for you're the only star in tonight's sky as people gaze in its beauty. So when you close your eyes for your birthday wish as your family and friends gather around you, make sure you make it count! I love you so much and I hope today of all days has been nothing less then an exquisite day and I'm left with nothing else to say...

Love always, your little Sweet E




*Photos will be added tomorrow*

Wakey wakey Ripped Heart in the Crayon Box

You take it like a man, standing there in silence through it all...

It's been a while that I can think of you, long enough that I can speak to you. We both know we could’ve done much better, but what if we have this all wrong? It seemed that we tried so hard and did our best, but it simply wasn't enough, instead we fucked it all up. I can finally understand and I'm sure it must be hard what you're going through. What's done is done, but it still runs by me...what if we have gotten this all wrong?

I'm sorry you never spoke, well it's far to late to show, but to love you not is a living a lie...Sorry you never spoke.
*knock-knock* On top of the crayon box, wakey-wakey, time to wake up now. Sit down next to me before you go because I don't want to tell you again, you'd be the lone foolish one if you stay, please don't make me tell you again. Next time you open up your eyes, you won't be following the silence and you won't be living in the spaces in between. For you'll see it feels bad now, but it's going to get better because it's naturally fucked up, but we all carry on...there's little else left to do. I bet you won't go crazy like you used to, you'll soon see it feels bad now, but it's going to get better.



We've been here before? Get over it, I see...



Just for you, Take a look at me Now...be your Love, Nothing Better.

Long ago before we actually knew...

A baby girl I was born and a young lady I am now, it took so little yet so long to notice who I was to whom am I.

A baby girl I was, the baby girl I continue to be, is and only is the one you truly know...

And to think it all started by a single gift from you, one we both didn't care and know what it was, but I kept.

Nine years of a difference, and I was just a baby girl. To hold and keep warm, to look at and care for, little did you know that that baby girl is now little old me...Esme.

At that time and moment at your ninth birthday, I was just but 10 months of age and you on your 'lucky' day gave a gift, as tiny as it was, it was a gift a baby girl like myself could grow to love (to a certain age).

A teether for crying out loud! But, not just any teether. A cute yellow owl of a teether, so vintage! (:

Coming across this old object of a gift just made me think so deeply of how much we've grown to know one another all this time. It's been 20 years! 20 years! I had a quiet moment to myself looking at this teether saying to myself, that that little girl you once knew is not the same little baby. Sure you call me "My (your) sweet little girl" which doesn't bother anyone, makes perfect sense to me and yourself...but, I'm not that little child anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me. I played pretend between the trees and fed my house guests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream that I could fly from the highest swing, I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked who I'm supposed to be. The stars smiled down at me, answered in silent reverie, I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream that I could fly from the highest tree, I had a dream.
I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave. I lived it full, I lived it well...
I'm ready now to fly from the highest swing, I had a dream.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Of course, I know and you know that...we both know that it's time. I'm ready for everything that willing to cross my path. No matter how awful, great, scary, hard, unexpected, thrilling, etc. it could and will possibly be. This is a reminder of your symbol to owls..."The bold owl sits in its hollow tree wailing at the lonely moon until he's no longer the lonely moon who sits for the wailing caused him to glide and with such beautiful perfectionist eyes seeks his pray, but of what? His lovely lone owl self to come keep him company in his hollow tree and it no longer is the bold owl, but the wise owl with his owlet to love and care for wailing together...bold and strong in the hollow tree."

Such a long saying like your crazy ramblings of such weird knowledge of yours...but this makes perfect sense if you think about it and think about owls alone and compare them to your human behavior...hmm.

I'll always ask myself, was there a meaning of you giving me that silly old vintage yellow owl teether? A symbol and actual meaning behind it?

The answer will reveal itself soon enough...come on, it's only a ramble away...

So who's the owl and who's the owlet between you and I?



An owl can see him slash her-self and see their match of true long lasting love.



Get your Chia Pet NOW!

At Target taken by Chrisy with her Phone
-It just caught our eyes and Josh came to my mind-
*Giggles and smiles* ^^

Okay, for starters you should all know that I don't watch television.
So a few nights ago I was talking to Josh, like every night, and we had this random conversation about "Chia Pets" This came about because I made the comment of watching television that afternoon and seeing the commercial of the new Obama chia pet stating: "Those things still exist!" He laughed and said "Ch-Ch-Cha-Chia!" We both giggled and out of nowhere he starts telling me like the history of the whole Chia Pet company. Which I thought was very weird slash random slash funny and slash cute for him to know such information like that. And for some odd reason there are still a bunch of Americans willing to buy such product, enough to keep the Chia Pet business going since the 70's
Which brought another topic from I guess the same producer...the pet rock?!?! Yeah, it was nice and very random conversation with Josh that night and seeing this shirt just made me think and remember such thing. Another memory with him that brings a huge smile to my face. Lovely fellow I have here, sharing non-sense with each other, that always makes our talks enjoyable (:


So, to all you people who have a Chia Pet or who have bought a Chia Pet in the past...WHY?!


^_^

Heart Left in San Francisco...

So the trip started on Thursday night heading toward Fresno which was alright and finally onward toward good old San Francisco!! Of course, spent every moment enjoying the great city and its beautiful weather waiting for me to explore its outer skin and eventually sink into its depths. Eventually having to come back to my now new reality was harder then I thought, I did manage to make a stop by Santa Cruz. What a lovely time spent in the mist of my home edges. (:

Very first photo when I got to my old apartment in San Francisco. (:



Bay Bridge ;p



Lovely photo, is it not? (:

*Smiles*



Me, Myself, and the city beyond this...




Random model that made me think of a friend, Michael, at the moment.




Boubin Sourdough Bakery & Cafe, lovely workers being all nice. (:



Want a ride anyone? I'll take you for a grand spin! :D



Cute Little Orange Beetle! ;p




My Chucks, walking along Lombard (:




Hope you enjoyed the little bit of photos, I've shared. It's impossible to share every single one, but might update a few other photos from this same trip soon enough....

Lonely Girl Full of Tiny Whorls

Tiny whorls nowadays are rather deadly for myself and those close/near me, I believe. Lately I've had my fair share also knowing that one particular person as well, if they haven't caused it on themselves. Far beyond dead is what you shall be if you let these tiny whorls take over your ability of overcoming the strangest most difficult temptations and emotions. Leaving you in the end with nothing, leaving you in the end with no one, leaving you like the complete loner you truly are in the world.

~*~*~*~*~

Alone in a room with shadows staring at the wall
Gotta shade my eyes for a moment try and understand it all
Disapear I'm just a ghost left over from another day
Lost in thoughts with a lonely girl
Never find out another way
Where are you
Lonely girl
Where are you
Not in my world
Every day in total darkness, every day is hell
Every day is black as night, no one left to tell
Disappear I'm just a ghost left over from another day
Lost in thoughts of a lonely girl
She went out another way
Where are you
Lonely girl
Where are you
Not in my world
Left me lonely

Boots, Sorry itsn't Enough...

Today I have realized something, now that I have felt how it feels I am truly sorry for what I have done and caused. You didn't deserve what I did to you nor what I'm trying to do. A sorry isn't enough I know that, but you must know that I am truly and honestly sorry from the bottom of my heart. Before I wasn't thinking, I'm still not thinking, at least the way I should be. I left you out in the cold after everything we have built up. Yet you were still there for me, I left and gave up on you for something that led me nowhere then downfall. Boots, I know you will find it from the bottom of your heart to see eye to eye with me and fix the hurt and pain I have caused and we share. I swear upon everything that I meant no harm and I had no idea how you felt and were going through. Rub it in my face you shall, keeping me against it you shall...I always learn the hard way, but at least I can finally now say that my lesson was learned and I now promise myself that I won't fall into the same hole. I won't make the same mistake, I'm beginning to regret this little moment of my life, but regret not, never. Yet you as a great person you are, where there for me after everything I did. I didn't deserve it and still don't.
So I'll end this with a quote...

"The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs."